Overarching feeling of the week
Tired, still ill and pretty deflated.
It’s been a frustrating week where little things have angered or upset me more than usual. I am tired. I’ve been feeling a bit isolated at work . And I’m knackering myself on tasks which I don’t think are very high value. I need some time and headspace to take stock.
In honesty, I’m fed up.
I’m struggling to think of things to put here this week. I think actually my biggest achievement was keeping going when I didn’t feel well, getting into work and making sure things didn’t pile up. Though it remains to be seen if that was a good idea or whether I should have actually just rested; my body is telling me this probably wasnt my greatest achievement.
My ex-manager Olivia is on the Future Leaders Scheme, a few weeks ago she emailed me about an opportunity to help out one of their peer groups on a project they are working on relating to networks. It’s being organised by someone within the Civil Service Group and on Tuesday (even though I was at home supposedly “resting”) I joined the first conference call to discuss the topic. It was good because it’s another opportunity to work across departments, and I felt like I had something to contribute.
On Friday, despite wanting to curl up and spend the day in bed. I used my Being Nosey day, to get out to TedX Whitehall Women which was excellent and you can read my (fairly scrappy, but hopefully still informative) live blog here:
I’ve put this in achievements because even though I was feeling really tired and not very sociable (and I’ve been beating myself up for not speaking to more people) I finally got to speak to DavidBuck in person and met some others including Lorena and Zoe G.
Getting to One Team Gov breakfast club even though I was even later than usual and feeling like death warmed up. Meeting Jenny and picking up a book she is kindly lending me called Blunders of our Governments and which Stefan has written extensively about here.
Kylie was there and there was discussions around getting all government departments to publish their diversity data just like Justice Digital have, I really like this prospect and would like to get involved in getting it off the ground in my dept.
I’ve learned this week that I will never not be annoyed when a man  turns to me in a meeting and asks me to arrange a meeting for him with a stakeholder, in front of that stakeholder, when he could just do it himself there and then.
And, I’ve learned that I will never not be annoyed at myself when, because of some missguided sense of protection for my team, I say “yes of course” rather than calling him out on it and making him organise his own bloody meetings because I am not his secretary and actually I have a lot of experience and that’s why I’m here thankyouverymuch.
What else have I learned this week? Well I learned that I didn’t get a role that I interviewed for and I’m beating myself up about it because I didn’t prepare enough. I had it in the middle of what was a really busy day in the middle of a really busy week. I learned that I need to prepare and I need help to prepare and I didn’t do either of those things.
- Breakfast Club.
- Some retweets (must try harder).
Ideas for blogs / Things I’m thinking about
1.Weeknoters consultancy. Still thinking about this since Dan mentioned it in Ep32 of his weeknotes. My downtime project is a small first step towards this in my head. I’m also thinking about writing a blog about “being a person who works in the gaps”. I haven’t been able to find time for this yet.
2. Collaborative blogging. Still looking for someone to collaborate on a blog about collaborative blogging with me.
3. I need to write up Policy School days 3 & 4.
Read / Watched / Listened to
Another slow week but…
- More of the new Parquet Courts Album which is just, really good.
2. I’ve got A Room of One’s Own which I’ve somehow never read, Bitch Doctrine by Laurie Penny, and the aforementioned Blunders to read. Hopefully I’ll find some energy for that.
3. I’ve been watching my husband play Super Mario Odyssey a fair bit, it’s pretty amazing, totally charming, and I’m not a gamer at all.
 I work best in a team, I don’t work well as a lone wolf and I don’t want to be a lone wolf. I’ve been feeling a bit too much like that recently.
 Any man, but not a specific man. There have been many in my working career.