No resolutions.

I don’t have any, ok? Sorry to disappoint.

As a generally anxious person I always find new year difficult. It’s very easy for an anxious brain to move from planning to over-planning, and from that to listing all the things which are wrong/broken. This can either result in mad action, or it’s equal opposite apathy, neither of these are good.

For a long time I’ve responded to “Do you have a new years resolution?” with snorts of cynicism and a general “no point making resolutions you’ll never stick to”.

Sorry, whoever you are, you’re wrong.

I believe that resolutions are limiting and can make some people believe there’s a “right time” to start something, do something, achieve something. If you’ve got a brain like mine that isn’t helpful.

What I need is to believe I can start something at any time, to give it a go, to try, and fail, and try again.

Despite this, last year I secretly set myself some resolutions which I actually found really helpful. I didn’t write about them, or tell people about them, but I went about quietly doing them.

Write more

It me.

I wanted to write more and to start using Medium, if nothing else I wanted to learn more about it as a platform and learn how to use it.

I had the objective of writing 2 personal blogs per month. The first was to collate some of the inspirations for creative stuff I’ve found and enjoyed on a monthly basis, the second was to give up buying beauty products for a full year and then to blog about it.

I managed to blog my inspirations for a full year. They have a terribly small readership, but they help to give me another perspective on what is influencing me on a monthly basis, and also to give me a good view on my own aesthetic preferences, which I’ve never done but always wanted to do.

The second one, on giving up beauty products was a bit more of a slog. One, the actual giving up was hard work. Second, it was difficult to think about things to write which might be interesting to other people, or to balance some of the feminist theory I wanted to intermingle with it. I’d like to do more of this but I need to practice with my writing to really make it effective. The low readership also demotivated me somewhat, so by September I’d pretty much packed it in.

What did happen though, is that I discovered weeknotes, I met a good crowd and I started writing about myself, my work and the things that are important to me. With an initial objective of 24 blogs in a year I actually posted 61 blogs, more than double what I’d hoped.

I got a lot out of all of these things and I want to do more in 2018.

So apologies in advance if I respond negatively to anyone who asks me about resolutions. I’m not giving up chocolate or doing “Dry Jan” or Run Every Day, or getting a personal trainer, or cooking something new each month. I don’t have anything against you doing it, but it’s not for me.

My resolution is not to have one, and to quietly keep working on the things I want to do, with flexibility to cut myself some slack when I need to change my approach or stop.

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